Oh heavenly whisper
Hadn’t seen here in years. But in the night she came in a dream. We met, set on the kitchen table of long ago, talked long and deep while in fact, I was in Africa for two weeks, and she in Europe. We talked about what we had learned and what we had left. To blame was the situation in general. We were born out of a force of circumstances and while growing up we were confronted with the unsolved emotions of others and our own.
What is faith in a love-relationship ? Is it an agreement to stay faithful to one person in body and soul or is it a commitment to deal with the heritage of what went wrong in the relationships before our birth, which in the end, had to lead to us ? It’s the second part of the answer that is the most difficult part to analyze, because roads tend to split because one person does not have all the answers.
Men do not understand why women often seem to run in to tears more ten they do. When a woman wants to break up a relationship, she will try to put the ‘blame’ on the male…or the other way around. If there where break ups before in the same or other relationships, one can use the past experiences to get out of the situation, or at least to stay calm. One can learn a lot about life when one has compassion with people. Sometimes it can put yourself in a lot of trouble, but by going through the pain of others, one discovers where pain descends from. By doing so, you give yourself a piece of advice in the end, ‘you don’t want to know where pain comes from’. Because if you do want to know, it surely will come your way.
Attraction. Physical attraction. Probably our genes, smart enough to know what a biological good match is. Not only physical attraction. The partner can offer social security as well. Emotional attraction. Partners that lean on each other, one more than the other, to obtain a good feeling that leads to falling in love. After the honeymoon weeks, things start to slow down in intensity and many influences make their way in to the evolution of the relation. Since one out of two relationships fall apart, it is obvious that with a lot of people an often hidden battle starts : ‘should we or I or shouldn’t we split’ ? Often one of the reasons for this kind of conduct is that one is afraid that the other one could find another partner and out of jealousy people sometimes even make babies which task in life it will be to find out where they come from. Maybe that newborn life is blessed with far less jealousy, in order to confront his parents. Maybe the next baby will grow up to be once again more jealous…in order to learn something from each other in this game called life.
People interfere in the lives of others, continuing their kind of never ending stories. They can start their story by not only telling stories of people they knew, but also the stories of their own. Their pains, their joys, their remedies. The story teller often explains the story from his or her angle, making it to nice or to black so while telling their story, they misjudge people. When the ones who listen, aren’t experienced enough or when they do not want to take a moral point of view or do not want to judge because they do not know the complete backgrounds of persons involved, a lot of later confusions are born.
So when there is interconnection that works, people touch each other for the first time in a special way…by words, an arm, a kiss maybe a few months later. The stories that begin in a slow platonic way, often can reach the same or more passion in every way. No problem so far, when people involved are single. One can be married or in another kind of relationship. The most wise thing to do is to continue in a platonic way. If one can let go of his or her feelings the other one, instead of taking a distance too, can become hopelessly unhappy, not only from the tensions at home, but because of an inner emptiness that isn’t answered any more by the challenge and excitement a new relationship can bring into life. Often one cannot find the same mutual interests in one person : intellectual things, mystical things, poetry, politics, literature and so on. But you do not need to start an physical relationship for that. But when that kind of very good feeling is there, bodies can show the desire to compare the depths of life in the physical dimensions as well. One can become very passionate from each other(s) for years and years to come, or things can fall into the after honeymoon experience soon. Most of the people hide their love story for each other when there is a triangle involved. Some speak about it and even before things start getting ‘serious’. Splits often then occur, sometimes the third leg has to go, sometimes the third person revives the older relationship…surely in a physical way at least, but that, like the honeymoon experience is not of long duration when there is more interconnection with the soul of others involved. One can hesitate a long time to inform the existing relationship. It depends of one’s experiences, the ‘guilty’-thing about it. To make a triangle official is in fact recognizing that some existing ties came under pressure. Often it was before something new started. Sometimes it is because another love story started. In other cases both. In all cases life shows a bit about the truth about the prehistory of your love life that can go back your parents and so on…but the responsibility for it, in the end, is your own. That’s what feeling good is largely about.
Because of the complexity of things, when emotionally difficult matters are concerned; some people need other people to continue or complete their former relationships. The ones who are left on their own and can concentrate on other things besides those sometimes silly emotionally negative things…are rare. Fewer are the ones that have non hostile taught about their ‘rivals in love’. Often depressions follow, drinking, chasing others to get ‘even’, the same behavior as some women or men who had a bad relationship with their mother, father…they tend to take revenge on the later husband. Every negative emotion, in the end, always comes down to ‘fear’. Fear of not enough love, not enough money,…and so on. Love, if you have no fears, is a thing there is always plenty of. And because a lot of us have to many fears we invent a lot of things we can hide ourselves behind. Surely, when one is the second man or second wife in the play, and children are involved; one must be strong enough to take a distance. If it doesn’t work, in the end you have to make up your mind if you want a classical relation or not. ‘There surely must be some nice, uncomplicated candidates’ over there, one starts to think’ in that stage. When the triangle is to disappear because of a fourth person entering the stage, a new battle begins. The good old biological competition, or is it not all kinds of unfinished business of the past that lingers on in the present…pumps the adrenaline again. Deals are made and oats are sworn to prevent the new couple from being together. Interfering with the life of others has lots of inspiration…because too much bellybutton (ego) often can make a fool of both sexes. Even expressing emotions, feelings, talking doesn’t help anymore then…and often the bed has to make up…leaving others with their illusions and sometimes the new old couple as well. It isn’t an easy task, avoiding the meaningless. If you are close to it, the pressure will go up and one tends to explode if you have no inner calm any more. Sometimes it’s a good thing for your evolution when people start evolving more through other people. If one gets in to trouble of all kind, don’t give up to easily…or the future can hold a lot of more trouble ahead on other locations with other persons. It might. It might not. The silly old question, she(he)loves me…not. A crazy, but meaning full thing that fight against instability, the ups and downs. Octo 19/08/2009